Progressive Revelations 10/20/09

Documentation Necessary

October 20, 2009

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People don't seem to back up their statements anymore. I just don't have any proof of that...

Really, though, no one has ever backed up a statement in the history of mankind. And as far as whatever came before mankind, well, they didn't back up their statements either. Earlier today, while at a convenient store, I overheard a customer tell the cashier that he was the best athlete in New Jersey when he was in high school. The cashier responded by saying, "I'm not surprised. You in good shape, boss," at which point the customer said, "Yep, those were the days, huh?" and then walked out...

My point is not that I am a pretty good eavesdropper, although I am -- and can back that up by showing my non-existent membership to the Eavesdropping Society. Of course, I am afraid to even joke about that membership. If I took the time to Google it, I'd probably not only find that an Eavesdropping Society exists, but also that their sole purpose for existing is to murder people -- and look: I've just implicated myself as part of this mess. That's what I overheard, at least...

Getting back to my story, I brought up this morning's situation because it showed the extent to which people are willing to believe everything they hear. That, or it shows that cashiers really don't care enough to disagree with their customers' boasting. Either way, a person now believes that others see him as the one-time best athlete in New Jersey -- and if that is the case, then I am moving to Old Jersey. In Old Jersey, people don't play sports because they are old. Sometimes they try to play sports, but then they decide that they don't want to do anything that involves movement and decide to cause traffic jams by driving 20 miles per hour instead...

When people have discussions with one another, I expect to hear notations, regardless of the nature of content. If my expectations became rules, this morning's conversation would have been more like this:

Customer: I used to be the best athlete in New Jersey. Go to www.insertsourcehere.com/njathletes.html and you will see my stats listed there.

Cashier: I'm not surprised. You in good shape, boss, and by boss, I don't mean the typical definition, but more so the slang version of the word that originated in upstate Kansas by accident, according to www.insertsourcehere.com/boss_slangorigin.html.

Customer: Yep, those were the days, huh? Just check www.insertsource.com/thosedays.html to see how those dates were grand. And by grand, you should check the many definitions available at www.insertsource.com/nobodycares.html.

My plan is efficient and necessary, and I have the documents to prove it -- I just don't have enough space to provide them in this column. Outside of that, people should believe what I write because I used to be the best athlete in NJ...

But I digress.