This Week's Column

Commercialized Commercials

February 17, 2009

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I am getting tired of commercials that state that a product is better than the leading brand. For example: "Buy Smith Apple Juice. In a recent taste test, it beat the leading brand two to one." Well, if that's the case, then why isn't this Smith product the leading brand? After all, if the survey was correct, Smith is apparently leading. I also question some of the taste tests mentioned on TV. When one product is supposedly preferred two to one, perhaps only three people participated in the taste test -- and maybe those three people are old. I guess I am just looking for a little honesty from commercials. Here are some examples:

1. If a food product tastes bad, tell me. I don't want to hear, "This is the best taste ever. It's so good that you won't be able to eat anything else," only to find that I can't eat anything else because I'll be sick in bed for three weeks. If the food doesn't taste good, be honest: "Try our new food product. It will make you throw up, but hey -- everyone throws up eventually, right?" When I hear that in a commercial, sign me up for four boxes of that food!

2. If the risks of a certain product outweigh the possible benefits, state that at the beginning. Oftentimes there are commercials for supplements that discuss how great the product is but then must mention the possible side effects at the end of the commercial. The side effects are usually spoken at a quick pace, and sometimes the side effects are merely listed on the bottom of the screen, ie: "This product will cure your sniffles, but you will die tomorrow." To gain my respect, add all of the warnings at the beginning. Start the commercial like this: "Are you not concerned with most of your limbs falling off? Are you willing to sacrifice being sick for a month in order to be healthy for three minutes? Are you looking for a way to see better at the detriment of all of your other senses completing fading? If so, we have a new product that might be worth trying, although probably not." Sign me up for four boxes of this also!

3. If a celebrity or athlete endorsing a product is washed up, that should be stated at the bottom of the screen. The fact that the back-up center fielder of the 1984 Brewers says that he likes Smith Cough Drops really is not convincing. It only makes me wonder how little profit this company must be making to not hire a better spokesperson. So be honest: either print "Washed-up Celebrity Endorsement" on the bottom of the screen, or begin the commercial with something like: "Hello, you probably don't remember me because I only played baseball for three years and my opinion on cough drops really doesn't mean anything, but here is what I have to say..." Sign up me for four boxes of these cough drops! send me

The future of the economy rests upon the quality and honesty of commercials on television. How can we expect politicians to tell the truth when we can't get an honest answer about whether a new soda brand will give us energy or kill us? When commercials become more like the ones that I outlined, sign me up for four of those commercials. I have some bread crumbs that I am looking to sell and I can't wait to tell people that they don't cost a lot of dough...

But I digress.