This Week's Column

A Wiki Good Time

May 19, 2009

..............................................................................................................

I cannot say I've been oblivious to the power of Wikipedia. After all, it's what I plan on naming my first born. However, I did not realize until a minute ago that it contains a database for what happens on each day of the year. So if a columnist with writer's block happens to be drawing a blank on May 19, for example, said columnist can type that date into Wikipedia...

Little did I know that Johns Hopkins was born on this day in 1795. I imagine everyone at Johns Hopkins University celebrates this day by pretending they know who he is. But wait: Bruce Bennett was also born on this day in 1906. That's right -- Bruce Bennett, the actor and athlete. Can you believe it? Okay, so maybe I don't know who he is either. At least now I know when to make his family a cake...

I also now know that May 19th is World Hepatitis Day. I think this is the day we are supposed to all poke one another with dirty needles. While we're at it, why not kill two birds with one stone by getting tattoos of Johns Hopkins using really sharp pencils? All the kids at Johns Hopkins University are doing it...

I must admit I am a little bit scared of Wikipedia. Just a couple of years ago I was actually an entry. This lasted for several months until a group of people decided that I was not significant enough to be an entry. Not significant enough? Just read my jokes about Johns Hopkins -- that will certainly change a lot of minds. My lack of significance actually led to a public discussion of Wikipedians worldwide who each voted on whether or not to keep me as an entry. In order to be a voter, one must simply devote 90 percent of his or her day writing Wikipedia entries and the other 10 percent drinking lattes. Little did they know that I read the discussion that accompanied my removal, and I rooted as over one-third of these voters thought that I was noteworthy. Take that, other two thirds!

One day I vow I will make it back to Wikipedia. Not as a user but as an entry. I will join Bruce Bennett, World Hepatitis Day and those random child actors on Nickelodeon. Since I made this declaration on May 19, I expect it to be added to the list of important events, right after "1999: BBN Portugese is established." That will show 'em!

But I digress.